Have  you ever been motivated by someone telling you no or saying you are not ready?  I never thought that kind of conversation would kick me in the butt more than my actual goals.  The past week was a full of true self discovery and change.  I really took the time to evaluate my goals, my current program, and my choices.  See everything in life has a choice and it’s up to me to make those choices.  It’s up to me to choose what thought process I will function with, what I am going to do to build my career, how I am going to conquer the power I allow food to have over me, etc.  I have the power to choose what is best for me and what information I take from my resources.  I admit it is difficult for me to put full trust into someone therefore I jump from person to person vying for knowledge and advice.  I mean the grass is always greener on the other side right?  Putting too many spoons in my pot only sent me into a downward spiral of who to believe, who not to believe, and what to do.  At first I thought it was stepping on peoples toes and going behind their backs collecting all of the different information, but I discovered that the more I know in the end the better off I am anyhow regardless of who is right and who is wrong.  In essence everyone is right to an extent.

One year ago I was 40 pounds heavier than I am now.  I worked very hard to get the weight off, but I never let go of that girl.  I never let go of that image in my head and I allowed it to haunt me.  Not only did that screw with my head, it put a lot of tension on my program and I was becoming discouraged and frustrated.  When I was the fat girl I allowed food to control me and my emotions.  Food was my comfort zone!  I’m sure you can relate to that in some way whether it is a small part of your life or a big part of your life.  I created such an emotional connection to food that reaching my goal image seemed so hard to get to.  I sabatoged my thoughts of food and made it impossible to enjoy the food choices I need to stick to the get there.  I had great progress in the beginning of my prep, but then I allowed myself to crash and burn… I allowed myself to fail.  I constantly made excuses for my actions with food and made it ok.  Yes it was only one week, but that one week really turned my mind set around.

Letting go of my old image seemed so hard.  It took me until right before my first competition in March to finally get rid of my fat jeans!  I needed the blunt and in your face conversation to save me from myself.  Talking to someone whom I do trust smacked me in the face with the words “you are not ready to compete”.  Talk about a wake up call!  I did not like hearing those words at all.  I mean who did she think she was telling me I wasn’t ready!  Well… she nailed it and was right at that point.  I had to make the decision in myself to kick the fat girl to the curb in order to be “ready”.  With that said I have a whole new perspective and so far success had been reached.  It’s one day at a time.  I had to sacrifice what was comfortable to me to dive into a new journey.